When the Words You Use Hurt Someone Else-Comparing
Posted: Thursday, February 01, 2007
by rosie
horner associates
“I’m angry at my mother!" The young wattress barely 20 years of age, said with a tight frown on her face as she poured coffee at a busy diner during the late hour of the night. “Why?" asked the curious customer with a patient listening ear. “Because as old as I am my mother still compares me to my sister." She keeps saying why can you have a job like your sister? Why can’t you marry a man like your sister? Why can’t you have a nicer personality like your sister?" I am sick of it!" She said in a angry tone of voice as she almost cracked the coffee pot while sitting it back on the burner.
The customer watched with a compassionate look while the waitress wiped a tear from her eyes with the bottom of her apron. She didn't know why the wattress picked her to vent with but she was willing to listen.
Unknown to the waitress, the customer she so opening shared her pain with ,was still recovering from the verbal abuse of comparisons made by her ex-husband. She then began to share her experiences with the waitress. She told her about the pain of constant comparisons, her husband of only 7 years, made with her and the other women he had in his life.
She was never a good cook like his mother or sensitive to his needs like his ex-wife. He would badger her with stories about his friend’s wives and girlfriends. She often wondered why he ever married her.
As the night turned to early morning the customer had convinced the waitress to celebrate her own special qualities and not be victimized any longer. Of course it would take more work and lots of forgiveness for the people who hurt them. They both had to begin to discover how special they were.
But that night was the beginning of healing for the waitress and strengthening for the lonely customer.
Comparing someone to someone else is another form of verbal abuse. When parents make unfair comparisons with children they Often grow up rebelling or just never feeling like they ever satisfied a parent.
Comparisons say loud and clear that the person is not good enough as themselves. It never gives them the opportunity to realize a life of purpose and potential.
They are haunted by the person(s) they never measured up to.
Let’s think twice before we make comparisons. And lets think 20 times about the things that are good about who we are if someone tries to compare us to someone else.
Remember that comparing yourself to someone else might prevent you from reaching your own potential. You just might have what it takes to excel beyond the person you or someone else is comparing you to.
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Copyright, 2007 –Rosemary Horner
www.rosiehorner.com
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